The Time Limit

I'm not a parent. Not yet at least. I hope to be someday. While I myself have no children, I spend a lot of time with teenagers and their parents. Parenting a teenager in any generation has never been easy, and the inclusion of a new engaging distraction such as video games only adds to the frustrations of parents. The truth is, parents today have little to go off of when it comes to parenting a child who loves video games. The video game boom of the 70s and 80s was just hitting when today's parents of teens were teens themselves. While certainly fun in the early days, video games didn't demand the level of attention that they do today. They were shorter experiences, and there were even less consoles in the home. We are just now getting to a point where people who grew up in the age of Nintendo are having kids and will have some experience to go on when it comes to parenting and video games.

Today's parents of teens have the task of trying to change the wheels on the bus while the bus is still moving. So what do parent's do to control the sheer amount of video games their children play? In comes the time limit. I hope to cover several ways parents manage video games in their house, but the time limit is one of the most widely used forms of entertainment management that parents use. Time control has been used to train up children in the way they should go for, what seems like, the entire existence of the parent child relationship. Parents limit how much time a child spends watching TV, playing with toys, playing outside, etc. All of which have differing reasons for limiting their time, whether it be for the sake of their health (i.e. keeping them from being in the sun too long) or for the sake of their social growth (i.e. not wanting them to sit in front of the TV all day). Parents cite reasons of health, mental and social development for why time with video games should be limited.

I don't want to go into reasons why it should be limited, but rather state that any reason should be good enough. Time with video games should be limited for a child. As a kid I spent hours in front of my NES, Sega Genesis, Playstation, or N64. However, when I look back at my childhood I don't cherish the moments in virtual worlds as much as I cherish time I spent playing outside with the neighbors and by brothers, going swimming, riding my bike. I'm no expert, but I remember far more vivid moments of my childhood spent away from video games than with them, and I think there is something to that.

Video games provide a temporary moment of extreme engagement that concludes with an intangible reward. They are fun, but they provide us with nothing lasting. There is no social, physical or monetary pay off for the hard work put forth and thus it can be quickly forgotten.

What I am saying is, your child can do more with their time. Playing with Legos and engaging their imagination has more of a lasting significance than playing a video game, and we have to consider that lasting significance.

So the question I get asked most often is, "How long do I let them play?" Honestly, that depends on the child. You might have a son or daughter who you can trust to play video games for 3 hours straight and know that that won't be a regular occurrence. However, for the most part, I think 1 hour to an 1 1/2 hour is plenty. Here's why:

• Most parent's wouldn't blink an eye if their kid watched two episodes of cartoons in a row
• Most games require a good hour to turn on the system, launch the game, complete a segment or two of the game, and save.
• Most gamers can feel a sense of satisfaction after a good hour of gaming. If they say they require more, they probably have an addiction.
• Still leaves plenty of time in the day for other play, chores, or homework.

Some tips for managing the time limit:

• Don't call it a game limit, call it screen time. Encourage them to spend time outside of screen time doing something other than mess with their phone, surf the internet, or watch TV.
• When you say, "time's up!" your son or daughter will probably say "One more second! Let me finish this! I need to save first!" Let them! But don't just say "okay" and walk off. Sit with them for the next 10-minutes, watch and celebrate their achievements in the game, ask questions, and in the process you are ensuring that they just complete that "one final thing".
• Encourage multiplayer (not online multiplayer, but friends over at the house, sitting next to your kid multiplayer). If gaming is going to remain gospel centered in your home, it should be encouraged to be social! Even be more lenient on the time limit when they are playing games with their friends.
• Don't be afraid to take the time away if necessary or even add time as positive reinforcement. But make sure you make it clear why you are taking away or adding time. "You can't have screen time until you've done the dishes and your homework." or "I'm so proud of how you helped that man pick up his groceries. I know you got a new game, you can play it for a little longer today."
• Play with them! Crazy I know, but just like anything else your kids are involved in, they want to know you approve of their interests (whether they say they do or not).

These are just some of my suggestions. Feel free to comment and include what you and your family do to limit screen time in your house. I'd love to hear from you!